Rachael Ray. I want her very badly. Or anyone who looks like her. The secret word is...."Endless intercourse". Sorry, I had to say it.

What do you mean you want to get into politics son? Can you sell drugs instead? (That's how f*cked up politicians are now, this WILL happen)

These are two of my favorite books.

Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramhansa Yogananda

Life Ahead, by Jiddu Krishnamurti

That’s right, I’m deep. Ladies? Are you? Whoa…that didn’t come out right.

WISCONSIN....the home of REAL gangstas! Go HAM on those mofos! (Yeah, I know I'm sending some of you to the Urban Dictionary)

David Copperfield, don't get too full of yourself. You've been upstaged by the news. They've made nationwide protests disappear, so there!

The ONLY thing missing in our relationship with congress is Maury, an audience full of people screaming and a polygraph/DNA tester.

Not to be anthropomorphic but my computer is acting like an a-hole. Also, it uses the "N" word when I'm not in the room.