When I lash out at people, I do it to people that don't deserve it, because the people that deserve it usually carry weapons.

Will you all please buy a sleep number bed so I don't have to see that commercial again!

Hey, movie companies, we ALL know that your movie is going to blow if the name of the reviewer is half the size of a quark. Nice try.

You dopes who beat up guys wearing an opposing team's jersey know that the guys in prison are part of an opposing team too, right?

"Hey! What are you doing back there!?!" #famouslastgirlfriendwords

I'm in the lab right now working on edible undies with increased fiber and antioxidants. Why not be kinky AND healthy?