Driving to the doctor with my uncle, some ass on a cellphone ran a stop sign and almost hit us. I hope his wife is fucking a homeless dude.

Uh, people that pick "Fights" with strangers on twitter....really? Really? Get some "Friends" BEFORE you make enemies. Okay? Luv ya!

Why is the racism on 70's sitcoms the ONLY type that I find funny?

I'm trying out heckler lines for when I return to standup. "I will leave this stage and kill you...kill you!!!" Too much?

People OUTSIDE of PA/NJ/NY have NO idea how to make a cheese steak or hoagie. I'm going to start a class action slander suit!!!!

Not the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!