Dear smokers, that shit is killing you. Just thought you should know. Also, when you die...I am going to bang the crap out of your wives.

Breaking! Snopes.com proves that S. Anthony Thomas is really a gorgeous Asian woman...

Spotify, may I introduce you to my friend YouTube? I know. It's awkward...but, she allows me to SEE things. There are NO LIMITS with her. She's FREE. NO, not CHEAP! Free! You see? THIS is why we CAN'T be together. You interrupt me with your commercials and...it doesn't matter. It's over. I'm going to YouTube's house to watch funny animals and drunk dudes fighting. GOODBYE...

This year at the Grammy's, Rick Santorum and Marcus Bachmann!!! Take THAT Eminem and Elton John!

If only we could CHOOSE our families. Nah, come to think of it, I CHOSE my last girlfriend. My family had better not fake a pregnancy too!