Self...cleaning....Fleshlight. MY prediction for 2012

"If he buys dinner, he's IN. If he DOESN'T and her ex boyfriend calls, the EX BOYFRIEND is in!" - NFL analysts doing color on a dating show

"Dear PIMPS, you are NOW unnecessary!" - Ad campaign for new smartphone that has condom dispenser and stun gun attachments.

Dear older female relatives, PLEASE STOP cornering me in your houses and telling me about your FUTURE home repairs. Thanks.

Dear older MALE relatives, I see you laughing because I'm stuck listening to this mess. Enjoy the dog food in home I'm picking for you.

(Insert lame attempt to flirt with ladies...I mean really lame, you know..."oh shit, why can't I erase this now?" lame)