Sunday, January 22, 2012

Strap a woman to your bed and lick her for a few hours and all of a sudden, she wants to move in. Women are weird sometimes.

The blacker the berry, the more I want to have children with it. Huh? I need more sleep...

The guest diversity on late night talk shows is impressive. Here's a snorkle, I don't want you to drown in the sarcasm.

I guess "Any size coffee...$0.99" is better than "Hey losers, we just figured out how to charge you a buck for a small coffee!"

"E*Trade babies during the football pregame? Those guys are sellouts!" - Congress

When I get to 7 billion twitter followers, I'm going to lock my account.

With Facebook Timeline's new "Get it right" feature, I went back in time and dumped one of my ex girlfriends BEFORE she started cheating. Aw yeah! Thanks Facebook!

Why do players STILL do stupid celebrations that will cost their team 15 yards? Well, they also lose half their money to nail

I like to cuddle after sex....also, more banging.

Breaking Fake News! Gingrich discovers that most people on "Food Stamps" are white, then changes tune and claims that he invented them.

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