Celebrity Apprentice? No. That "dog whistle" birther stuff put you on my permanent "go bleep yourself" list.

Pepper spray....for when you have an upset stomach and your teen cousins take too long doing their makeup in the bathroom.

Well... I WAS right. The sign says "NO TURN ON RED" and not "Turn on red if there is an impatient moron behind you" I feel vindicated.


Spoiler Alert: Pat Robertson, here's ANOTHER message from God,
 "Paaaaat....You're an irrelevant, disingenuous phony. Shut the hell up."

Newt Gingrich, the worlds UGLIEST vindictive ex girlfriend.

I sang Happy Birthday to my little cousin yesterday and just got a bill from the record industry for $7! Damn you big government!!!!

I apologize in advance for this. Rick Santorum has NEVER had his balls slowly & lovingly slurped. It's hard to be such a douche after THAT.

*after beating up 5 guys by himself* "Hey, I'm a MONK, not a PUNK!" Yeah, you're welcome bad action movie script writers. That ones on me.

My 70 yr old uncle saw me playing with my cousin's kitten and innocently said "Damn S., you're ALWAYS playing with that pussy!" WIN. (True)