My new pillow is full of laurels.

"Ow!!!!!" - the first man to actually go "balls to the wall"

Twitter over capacity, Baskin/Robbins out of vanilla, Yo mamma out of my bedroom. Things that shouldn't happen. No, YOU'RE childish!

"Sorry, I can't let THIS child out of your wife until you get one of your OTHER kids to move out of the house." - Eric Cantor MD

I have officially had enough.

I just told someone that I believe in evolution. He got mad at me. I ended the conversation and rode my pterodactyl home.

There's a Starbucks, McDonald's and a Walmart IN my AT&T phone. It's too much. Also, I wish they'd close earlier so I can turn my phone off.