Dear idiots. Don't drive through deep water.

I hope several marathoners run past my house so I can get rid of all of this BOTTLED water...THANKS HURRICANE IRENE!

Rick Perry in the White House would be as helpful as an air bubble in an IV.

....the peanut butter & jelly? Well, that's for the FEMALE marathoners. None of your business what I mean by that!

With all of these tree limbs down, my neighbor "prehensile butt cheek Pete" is now just like the rest of us...using a ladder. Take that!

It's not always an overt act that indicates a persons lack of respect, it can also be shown by the frequency of requests for YOUR time. Dig?

Let's just skip the LAST preseason game. No good players are in those games anyway...they even have the lame cheerleaders. Sorry mom.

The theme song for the George Bush 9/11 interview is "It wasn't me" by Shaggy. Subtle.