Am I the only one that expects Rick Perry to stop in the middle of one of his speeches and pull out snakes to charm?

A FLESHLIGHT...really dude? And you gave your woman a hard time over her VIBRATOR? How about putting your genitals TOGETHER? You're welcome.

Dear "Springer" audience member, if you're going to participate in the end of show "diss" fest, be LESS goofy than the person you're dissing.

If you are saying the meanest thing you can possibly think of to your significant other, it's over. Ha! Just kidding! IT'S ON NOW!!!!!

Not giving a crap...raised to the level of high art. Yeah. There is only one ME.

Cool. It's time for more of my non sequitur filled "No one is here secrets"...

No one is here secret: I jump out of MY car at red lights and pick OTHER people's noses.

No one is here secret: I stand in my toilet and take showers. Contrarians rule!

No one is here secret: I "take care of myself", THEN oil up my hands and watch porno movies. Contrarians rule!

No one is here secret: Spray on under one arm, roll on, the other. Which ever smells best by day's end gets more pre-sleep self tickling.