MY approval rating is 100%, mainly because people that don't love me are stupid, don't count...and will soon be missing. Muahahahaha!

A neighbor's pitbull saw on the paper that he was peeing that Rick Perry was running for President. He ran into his doghouse and shot himself.

Dear young moms on Maury, please stop referring to your kids as "Sexy". I don't eat enough food to adequately supply all of my vomiting.

Truth serum before debates and interviews for ALL politicians! WHO'S WITH ME!?!