"I'm in a HUGE hurry!". "Grab my elbow and explain the minute details of your life." Maybe I'M wrong, maybe they DO sound the same.

Changing my caller ID to make it say "The Maury Show"....THEN calling my married friends at odd hours. Yeah, good times...

Once people start ignoring Limbaugh's racist rants, he'll to have to resort to sleeping on rooftops in the winter like a morning zoo host.

Non-stop, powerful pounding. Pfft! I've been doing that for years. Hurricane Irene was a lightweight. I serve breakfast afterwards, I win!

Uh, you all ALREADY knew that Cheney was an ass, didn't you? So why the shocked response to him acting like one?

"I told Pontius Pilate to let Jesus go, but I DON'T make the decisions" - Dick Cheney goes a little overboard trying to rewrite history

Mrs. Bachmann, I'll listen to hurricanes about policy when you listen to your hubby's boyfriend about your marriage. #yeahiwentthere