I'd like to walk up to pretty boys with their hot girlfriends and say:

"Hi, I'm they guy she'll be marrying after she realizes that you're a d-bag. Don't worry about her, I'm much better in the sack than you are, and I have more money than you ever will. I just came back to the past to tell you to break up with her gently, instead of letting her catch you banging her friend...or I'll go even further back in time and convince your dad to get a bj instead on the night you were conceived. Thanks."

*takes two steps and disappears*

"Sitcoms....EVERYTHING you're doing has been done...and done BETTER. At least try some new stuff!" - Everyone with a television

In a two weeks football will be back, unfortunately my joy will soften my political snark. Hahahaha! Just kidding. I still hate politicians.

Dear everyone in the world. "Dream team" was an OFFHANDED comment made by the BACKUP QB for the Eagles. Calm the f*ck down. No story there.

Preseason football = Masturbation with a condom on. *does it* Uh, I was wrong. They're NOTHING alike. Sorry about that.

Sex. I like it.