You say "Genital helicopter on the subway platform", I say "Flash mob entrepreneur". Can we just agree to disagree officer?

C'mon powerball lottery. I want to win! I want the congress to start giving a damn about ME! C'mon powerball....

Dear radio sports talk guy who's astounded at caller's ability to answer trivia correctly. I've got two words for you "SmartPhone" "Google"

Bank robbers should just call themselves “random, personal debt ceiling expansion experts” Why not? Everyone else gets to give what they do longer BS names.

Congress has already passed it's douche ceiling.

In an effort to deal with MY debt, I have reached an agreement with those in MY house to tell creditors that I'm dead.

Anyone have an eye wash cup? I accidently watched 1/10th of a second of that bachelorette show.

Why is the Senate voting TOMORROW? Did something IMPORTANT come up!?!

If TV tells me anything, it tells me gorgeous brunettes are ugly until they go into another room, take off their glasses and change clothes.

I would sooooo get it on with Peg Bundy.