Your love is like a roller coaster baby...I'm usually strapped down by a one armed drifter and it ends with me vomiting.

I hide my armpit fetish by licking women EVERYWHERE for hours at a time. I'm smart. I also have 30 full time female stalkers.

"It's morning in America...and uh, I can't stay for breakfast...uh...I've got a meeting America...uh..NO, I'll call YOU!" - Politicians

Dear ethnic actors in racist commercials....street hookers on meth think you need to shoot higher.

Everybody's life is a prequel to a reality show.