YOU say "Peer pressure", I say "Threesome"... to-MAY-toe....to-MAH-toe...

You probably thought that you were being slick when you bit me after I said "bite me", but I'm into that so jokes on YOU lady!

When all of your new shows suck, you shouldn't do a fall preview. Just putting it out there network Tv. You're welcome.

Avoid like a fly, sting like a wasp who stings someone with a severe allergic reaction! - Ali (early draft)

It's raining where you are... Stop grilling! Sometimes giving up is okay. Like those shorts, give up on wearing those things dude.

Wow, THOSE people are TOUGH! - REAL soldiers watching "Stars Earn Stripes"

Ever do something that you thought was "freaky" to your woman and got the "It's about time" face instead of the "Oh my god he's weird" face?

Dear Nicki Minaj's ass.... *fat bastard from Austin Powers voice* " I want to eat you!
.....you too Serena!

Stalking gets boring after a while, so I just mail women a picture of myself grabbing my stuff and looking at them intensely. Yay U.S. mail!

When the person you're talking to starts repeating themselves clap your hands, yell "You're DONE!" and walk away. I'm trying to start a trend.