Went to the car in basketball shorts commando style, was seen by neighbors and now I never have to bake a pie or cake or do my lawn again.

That “Confirm” button on my Facebook page is going to get less work. But my “Unfriend” link will start getting some overtime work soon.

Romney and Ryan AREN’T on the same page? Really? You’d think two liars who change their positions hourly would have it together by now.

Go Daddy to appease women, changes it’s name to “Pound my sweet ass harder.com” No word on why they STILL don’t get it. Film at 11!


S. Anthony gives dire warning to Clint Eastwood and Chuck Norris.
“EVERYBODY liked you guys…and now they ALL think you’re senile d-bags”

"I'm radical man! Everything sucks! I'll NEVER vote and be part of the problem!" - What is said to me moments before I say STFU to someone


A friend emailed a nude picture of Kat Dennings to me….It was so hot my penis became as big as I lie and say that it is.
I mean…I’m huge.
(The same happens if I see pictures of Nia Long, Serena Williams, Tyra Banks…)