Dear annoying kid teasing the pitbull through that fence, it's "Ruff ruff" NOT "Roof roof"...that's why you get D's in school.

If you're one of those people that pretend to be turning right...THEN cut in front of a line of traffic, I hope you get hit by lightning....

I'd do aunt Esther. I have a thing about getting hit with a purse by people that I'm not attracted too. Call me weird if you want to.

It's a little more than a month until Halloween, get your razor blades NOW before the prices go up.

When women do that tilt their head down, look up at you and bite their lip thing, it means bury your face in their butts, right, officer?

Hi, I'm Facebook. I'm going to tell you how many people "Saw" your page to compound the rejection you feel about not getting any "Likes".