MOST women WON'T fall for the "Let me nibble your boobs dry on this hot and sweaty day" trick...I've been told...by OTHERS...who aren't ME.

Friends send me e-mail complaining about the 400 anti Obama commercials per day they see in Philly. They HATE Romney now. Nice work moron.

PLEASE try to intimidate ME at the polls. I'm your nightmare, an informed black MAN! Your move bigots. It won't go the way you think

You don't get green teeth from green tea, you get them from soul kissing the Incredible Hulk's sister. Now don't you feel silly?

If you're swayed by political commercials, you aren't that bright. I mean, this plastic fork is worth $9000, but I'll sell to you for $5000.

REAL men drink green tea.

I want to star in a movie where guys ingest a substance, then act like d-bags. I am nothing if not innovative.

Dear children of super famous/accomplished people. Calm down, NO ONE expects you to live up to THAT! We also don't expect you to be a-holes.

You CAN'T hurt the feelings that I DON'T have for you.