I bring my own fine china to fast food places. Yes, I'm better than YOU.

Attention, attention whores! I see you! Just kidding, I was looking at someone else. Go screw yourselves.

Jenna Jameson endorses Mitt Romney.

Well, they do both BLOW. See what I did there? Huh? Well? GENIUS!

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Dear cute women, I want to date, marry, regularly bang, and then make babies with one of you. 

Your friend,

S. Anthony Thomas

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No interest for 18 months.

Rent-A-Center, or your marriage?

*Dice Clay voice* Oh!!!!!!

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