Saturday, August 11, 2012

"I hate that after the Olympics is over, I'll have to go back to hacking into security cameras to see half nude athletic women." - NOT me

NEVER cheated, NEVER will. I'm a relationship powerbanger. Yeah, date me ladies and prepare to be at least bottomless 75% of the time. Yup.

"After seeing the super slow instant replay of the rhythmic gymastics, complete with HD crotch shots....WHO NEEDS THE OTHER VIDEO?" - NOT me

Wait, I didn't have to use my real name and picture here!?! Nooooooo! I've ruined my life!!!!!!!

NBC, nobody would think your Bodies in motion video was "Porny" if you didn't put porn music behind it. Use Patriotic music and no problem.
....oh, and no super slow-mo while zooming in on the athletes tits.

Ryan: "Can we screw rich old people too?"
Romney: "No Paul."
Ryan: "You're no fun."
Romney: "Don't make me call Palin!" Ryan: "I'm sorry"

"Remember telling me to get off your lawn old people? Well if we win....IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!"
-Early draft of Paul Ryan VP acceptance speech

Dear seniors in the crowd clapping for food DOES NOT taste as good as you think. Don't let your cat's smile fool you...

"Gentlemen, the war in OVER! Wait, who left this old George W Bush speech on the podium?" - Mitt Romney

Why do I hear the theme from The Courtship of Eddie's Father when I see Romney and Ryan together? (No, I'm not THAT old.)

Romney and Ryan. Do you think that they have matching sticks up their asses? I do.

The two black people behind Romney's announcement podium....nice try. Were they the extra people that you couldn't fly to the NAACP speech?

"I picked him because he reminds me of myself when I had just BEGUN to NOT Pay taxes and fire people for fun." - Romney on his VP pick

"You picked the biggest idiot...well I picked the biggest asshole! So there, I one upped you McCain!" -Mitt Romney

Breaking fake news! Mitt Romney picks fox to guard hen house. Film at 11!

Annoyed at all the attention Paul Ryan is getting as VP choice, a confused Sarah Palin gorges herself on Chick-fil-A... AGAIN. Film@ 11!

In a fund raising move Paul Ryan sells "Fuck old people" shirts and hats. So far, ONLY his running mate has purchased one. Film @ 11!

"You picked RYAN and not ME!?! I've been a smarmy, lying, dick all of this time for NOTHING!?!"
- Eric Cantor learns of Romney's VP choice

If your lady giggles when you call it "Ball milk"... she's a keeper. Or she has low self esteem and bad taste. Nah, lets stick with keeper.

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