I can't quit you... Just kidding, your stuff is outside in a bag...next to the pitbull.

Yes lady, we see your NEW pregnancy boobs. Calm down. No I'm not filming them. I always hold my phone camera like that while saying "Yum".

Lord, have mercy....NO, on ME! To hell with THAT guy!!!!!

I'm kick-ass-iv-aggressive.

For the record, Lolo Jones' fame has NOTHING to do with my desire to marry and make babies with her. Just so you know.

Voter suppression.... Racism.
Potato.... ANOTHER freaking Potato.

Dear really hot young female celebrities. We ALREADY want to sleep with you. The "Wardrobe Malfunctions" aren't needed. Nudity is cool, OK?

I need Viagra. Not for sex, I balance my Kindle on my erection for reading....and I'm four hours away from finishing this book...


Dear horror movies. This is 2012, no one is scared of you anymore.