I rubbed my "Stuff" on the copier before you copied your butt so, we kinda "Did it". I'm the best huh? Yeah, you know it. Ready for round 2?

Do they STILL make "Card Tables"? There are some people coming to dinner that I don't like... and I want them to know that I don't like them.


Just remember son, even though you are among thousands of people...not one of them gives a crap about you. So screw them.
- Advice from a bad parent...


Expecting OTHERS to care is HILARIOUS...well not THAT, the look on your face when they inevitably walk over you is HILARIOUS!
- Bad dad

Forget what I've been saying all these years...and just give him some booty!
- Fed up mom

Anyone that shoots a baby should be set on fire and thrown off of a skyscraper. Yeah, I said it.

How crazy does your family have to be before you can openly disown them? I mean really openly, like "I know we look alike, have the same last name, are in several childhood pictures together...but I DON'T know this bastard!"

In my old neighborhood crimes have gone down, but incidences of people getting walked into by "smartphone drunk" teens is up 9,000,000%.