Monday, May 9, 2011

If you are a Billionaire and you wear clothes of any kind on the bottom half of your body, you are a loser.

Is Kate Middleton's sis Pippa pretty? Yes. But I see women just as pretty in Starbucks. Why to/drool over one of THEM instead?

If brits are "Mesmerized" by Pippa Middleton's ass, then Serena & Kim K must cause spontaneous immolations.

Newt Gingrich announces his run for President. I'm announcing my plans for a threesome with Halle & Serena. I've got a better chance.

Sorry Newt, you are not racist or crazy enough to compete for the Presidency. Your time has passed, your hair too normal...

Boobs and butt cheeks taste the same...although the edge goes to butt cheeks ladies, because I simulate nipples with Hershey's kisses. Yup.

I'm going to call the 800 number of one of these daytime shows. Apparently they will have valuable offers for me.

Hey 20 something, not everyone driving down the street is looking at YOU. Look up, see that? It's called a street sign.

Hey extremely talkative person, repeat that boring and simple story AGAIN.

Congress doesn't like YOU...It'll still f*ck you though. There's your buyers remorse on the dresser. Turn off the lights as you leave.

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