Facebook now changes the ads on your page instantly according to what you post. My screen now looks like a strip club. Good job Facebook!!!

I want to be a family values politician. They get all the booty.

If there are any attractive virgins who want some tantric lovin' BEFORE the world ends, I would be more than happy to get it on with you.

By very popular request, I am now offering my end of the world tantric lovin' offer to NON-virgins also.

What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a credit card? Give up? A magnetic strip and a VISA logo...because they're both plastic.

Hey Santorum, McCain could STILL kick your punk ass. Seriously. He could. He still might even after your weak apology.

THIS is the guy that has people thinking the world is ending!?! THIS guy? His other big pronouncements?…”Those kids WON’T get off my lawn!” & “Peeing hurts!"

Tomorrow, worldwide, outdoor, flash mob, mega-power-banging at 6:01. WHO'S WITH ME!?!

Hey Glamour magazine, I just heard about your "Engagement Chicken" and I'm making some "Threesome with your hot friend torts" for dessert.

Anyone who thinks that elections aren't stolen...check out WI & OH. Blatant, disgusting, cowardly...(Insert your word here)

The world ends Saturday, ANYTHING to keep Oprah on the air huh?

#WI Brett Favre showed his d*ck, Governor Walker shows his ass*. (*If you're not familiar with that term, let me know)

I'm planning on doing a lot of consolation screwing starting 6:30 Saturday.