Women that get in bed with you, convince you to put on their panties, then point and laugh while saying "Got ya!" are mean. I'm told.

A message to women that let me IN THEM REGULARLY, I need almost nothing else. Okay, a little butt stuff, but other than THAT, I'm good.

I want to start people using the word 'twas again. WHO'S WITH ME!?!

I wonder what percentage of those Moms against JCPenney® have husbands that know what balls taste like?

Isn't it time for them to come up with a rabies PILL?

Women need to learn that the ropes don't need to be so tight, I'm not going to try and stop you from su...I've said too much.

Summer is coming! It's almost time to go to a theme park and turn our kids into tiny stunt people who eat too much!!!

Am I weird? I seem to be able to get a date without doing a tug of war or eating blended wolf testicles. Is reality TV right OR am I wrong?


Dear my cousin's cat, you may be able to lick YOUR OWN genitals and I need someone else to do that, but I get a meal and massage too, so F U.