If you are a young, attractive actress and you're trying to flirt with a casting director who is a little heavy....DO NOT have ANY of your sentences contain "...and you're a diabetic, right?"

That will make you less hot to him, and jobless.

But I'LL laugh silently, then write about it on the internet.

****

STOP doing things that fall into the stereotypes of your specific ethnic group!  You DON'T see ME doing PORNO anymore do you!?!  I mean...what's PORNO?

Maybe I need glasses, because I no longer see the point.

If I'm OLD and UNmarried, I WILL date 25yr old gold diggers, I will get DISAPPROVAL, I will NOT CARE because I WILL be getting LAID. Yup.

If we USED to have sex...and you call me, if the first words out of your mouth aren't "You may AGAIN have access to my lady junk!" Go away.

C'mon Kelly Clarkson. There are much better and less embarrassing ways to try for VP. 

Okay snooty flight attendant, you said "Turn off YOUR phone!"...but you didn't say I couldn't turn ON this guy's phone. Ha! I'm smart.