Breaking! Fidel Castro receives his $5 payout from North Korea for beating Kim Jong Il in the World Leader death pool. Film at 11!

The White House releases pictures of Jon Bon Jovi alive and well. Relax middle aged housewives, you still have a shot. Hahahaaha! Nope.

Dick Morris eats a bowl of live kittens for breakfast in the morning.

Dear television, enough of the "Black guy ain't shit" & "Angry Black women" stuff. Thanks. I have no problem boycotting your ass.

Dear EVERYONE, Newt doesn't want to be President, he wants money and attention. That's why he's saying crazy shit. Okay? You're welcome.