Randomness...

I want to save some money so I'm converting to another religion until December 26th.

These ads on our FB pages are getting a little too specific. "Is your name S. Anthony, did you just have a birthday and recently break up with your woman?....Are you currently eating a chicken sandwich?...then we've got the girl for you!" Did George Orwell write these things?!

....um Mac...PC...I don't really want to be in this commercial. You stay here and talk about computers, I'm gonna have a couple beers and then get it on with my girlfriend.

Condoms are 90% effective, but if you chant "Please don't get pregnant!" three times fast afterwards, it takes care of the other 10%.

I was gonna put razors in the candy that I give out on Halloween, but those ungrateful little punks only want iphones.