Just watched half an episode of According to Jim and...
STOP MOCKING ME! I said HALF! Hey, the sisters are hot! DON'T JUDGE ME!

Those roaches are dropping like flies!

"Whoa, don't lump us in with those losers! They don't have HALF of OUR talent! We FLY!"

- Flies

People get suspicious if after your pants split, you say "Finally!" and point to your man stuff smiling. I'm told...by OTHER people...

Sometimes, as a man, I just want to be held. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Sorry, I tried.

"Ironic huh?"

- Cannibal eating a vegan

If women's boobs, buttcheeks, armpits and legs had calories, I'd be 700 pounds. Not to mention the other stuff... tee hee. I'm naughty.

"You can pay $5 or $10 for.."
*guy pulls gun*
"How about free?"
"I'm just making a point about cell service"
"I'm making one about crime"

Paper covers rock.
Rock smashes scissors.
Scissors cuts paper.

I slap the shit out of adults that use this game to make decisions.