"What are you a cow now nigga!?!"
- One of my relatives showing support for my new eating habits


A message to the producers of Two and a half men...
I’ll do the show for $5 LESS than that ungrateful kid and I don’t care if it’s filth. Hire my ass!

McCain and Graham, the Glottal stops of the US Senate.

Dear other black guys, I've had sex with Indian women. #betterthanyou

I just looked at my Christmas lights...and they untangled THEMSELVES and apologized to me for the inconvenience #betterthanyou

Just did bench presses...with NO bench. #betterthanyou

Was just told "You're too tough for our outlaw biker gang!" #betterthanyou

I'm NOT politically correct. I'm just ALWAYS correct. #betterthanyou