"Dear women on the internet, stop putting weird things into your genitals. I find that personally insulting!"
- Penises

Whenever I drink Green Tea, I "adjust myself" so people know that I'm still tough. Because I am damn it!
*takes sip, taps corner of mouth gently with napkin....then "adjusts"* Yeah!!!! #realman

I thought those arrows on the screen of the car’s backup camera were there to help you hit people. Uh, officer, my manual says….oh, I read it wrong. Sorry.