The sperm in my testicles are picketing outside because of a lack of good jobs.

I'm not a doctor, but I banged one on top of an old TV.

I'm going into a random restaurant yelling like Gordon Ramsay, because getting fucked up by underpaid kitchen staff is on my bucket list.

Patreaus. Kardashian. Soon?

Even my bubble baths are extra manly, the bubbles all have sharp edges. Take that Chuck Norris!


"Brushed my teeth with broken glass, cause I'm a MAN!"
- Letter read to the emergency room nurse by a friend of the "MAN"

They don't have enough weights in this gym, I'm going to have to use my balls instead. #realman

I just walked past a gun shop....and the bullets apologized to ME...they remember what happened last time. #realman #beatsupbulletsforfun