President of the United States. One of the most thankless jobs on the planet.

A sweaty, out of breath guy hands a $50 bill with blood on it to a teller while looking over his shoulder and she won't take it.

RACISM!  ;)

Hypnotized by delicious lady booty. Also boobs, and legs... most importantly...a good heart... which makes it easier to get it on longer.

I'm going to call colonoscopies "Drone Strikes" from now on.

I'm not a dad, but I've made thousands of test runs.

Politics and Religion seem to bring out the dormant jackass gene in some people. Not ME of course. I mean...I'm ALWAYS right.

YES I AM! Screw you if you disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy caught by her angry brothers at the bus station...I mean Father's Day!

Superlatives have replaced racial epithets for the slick politician. We still know what you mean though…having said that… screw you.

I starting a petition to rid porn of man ass shots. WHO'S WITH ME!?!

No movie should be as bad as the one I just saw. I don't even remember the title...because after a certain amount of pain, the brain blanks out.