Ladies, there ARE good men out there...

They're just too good for YOU. My message to you? Settle.

Yes, I'm available...

**********

I'd probably do better with women if I had more confidence....

*gets a crap load of sympathy sex*

"Yeah, I knew that pretend to have no confidence crap would work."

*juggles chainsaws that are on fire while walking a tightrope and winking at the girls waiting outside of a modeling school*

**********

Virginia is for lovers...

...of anal.

#firstdraftsofstateslogans

I see your Edison reference in your car commercial and I'll raise with a Tesla reference and an accurate accounting of history...

When you use the "Incognito" window on the new laptops, tissue pops out. Yes, EVERYONE knows what you're doing you sick freaks!

*Whispering* Google is following me. Every time I use a different computer, my tabs and bookmarks are there...

I'm losing my mind!!!!!!!

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The judge that put Ochocinco in jail just cupped my buttcheeks and sentenced me to 30 days of...well, let's just say I'm not fighting it...