"I don't need THIS shit!" - Picky flies

Dear Cheesecake Factory restaurant, thanks for all of the sex I had during my early 20's. Your dinners were real "Deal sealers"

I can't wait until my career is big enough to ruin.

Sometimes striking an iron when it's hot...gets us burned. Also, they have foundries to deal with hot metal. What are you an idiot?

I love you just the way you are, nude, horny, covered in sweat and pudding and under me...with plenty of vacation days to waste.

I hope the next President is a Mexican, Lesbian, Atheist. Yeah. I would...fucking...LOVE....that. Extremists would spontaneously combust.

I'm tired of getting mistaken for Bradley Cooper.

Janet Jackson got married a year ago. On the same day one of my neighbors ate a tuna sandwich. I care the same amount about these two things