My promise to YOU, when I have kids...you WON'T be seeing 900 pictures of them. You're preemptively welcome.

Guys should get a "Diamond Championship Belt" for being in a threesome.

"The Avengers" SHATTERS Box Office Record for BIGGEST Opening Ever!!!!!
But I'm getting none of the money, so who gives a fuck!?!

Could 22 of you play football in my backyard so I'll have something to watch on Sundays until September?

Relationship advice for EVERYONE. Be nice to each other and get it on three times a week. You're welcome.

"YAY! A Woman tells me that I'm a sweetheart, I'm nice and STILL gives me some of her delicious booty!"
- No dude has EVER said that shit