I'm going to suck a woman's ass cheeks on the cover of Newsweek. Take THAT Time Magazine!

If a YouTube video has Russian lettering....DON'T WATCH! Unless gross crap is your thing. Well, I''m going to vomit and scrub my brain.

Why can the NBA guy say "They're big, long and will bang you!" on TV and NOTHING happens, but I get bad looks from everyone in the elevator?

That disgusting crap you do with your wife? Your dad did that to your mom and someone will do that to your daughter. Yup. You're welcome.

(ME + Critical thinker) - YOU trying to convert me to YOUR RELIGION = NO fucking chance/Get the hell out of here.

If you make an animated kids film and it bombs, you should quit the business and leave the country.

...and if you send a love offering of $100, we'll send you an autographed picture of me spending the money and laughing at your dumb ass...