Please rename hemorrhoids so I can stop laughing when someone tells me that they have them.

I'm using a sugar substitute called "Separate". (No one will know what I'm talking about, why did I post this?)

"Swiss" Miss? Please! That lady is from Detroit. I went to school with her. What a LIAR!
- Ms. Nestle's statement in court read by a spokesperson

I don't trust Mitt Romney because I don't trust ANY guy that lies THAT much...and It's NOT to get laid. Freaking weirdo!

Rush Limbaugh's voice is surprisingly clear through his hood.