Me? Of course I'm a virgin...

MY testicles AREN'T wrinkled ANYMORE. I found and loosened the drawstring. Haven't found YOURS yet? LOSERS!

Just between you and me...pudding. (Ladies only)

Why am I so good at babysitting? Because I want to be the relative that ISN'T fed dog food 50 years from now...and I won't. But the rest...

My little cousin asked what 8x12 is and I took 3 seconds to answer. Embarrassing. Well less than THAT, the calculator was right NEXT to me.

Just washed my hair and three hot babes jumped out in slow motion and massaged me. Maybe I was opening my shampoo the wrong way before...

When I eat tacos, I get tons of phone numbers for some reason. Oh.

If you touch a strange woman's butt and say "Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers?" you will get beaten up and arrested.

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Dear person running the camera at the baseball game...can we have LESS closeups of the player's NUTS?

Thanks,

Dudes

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