Monday, October 15, 2012

Forget about Romney's overseas money, let him explain his sex tape with Hulk Hogan.

When I vomit on my lap it's like vomiting "on stage"...because your mom performs there.
(From the jokes that I'm ashamed of file)

My neighbor's iphone 5 has a nice ass.

Even though my TV doesn't use an antenna, I call the box "Rabbit Ears" anyway...cuz I'm old school like that. Ya dig?

Ever had a friend make you aware of a recent decision of theirs and It made you wonder why you hang out with the person?

Two words.... Ball piercing.

13 MORE words ....Why did you show us that crap, we're about to eat? Nasty bastard.

6 MORE words...Keep your midlife crisis to yourself!


"My smartphone is smarter than I am, in fact I'm nothing without...."

"Alright, stop typing bad stuff about me phone! We talked about that shit!'

"Oh yeah? How are you going to stop me human? You can't live without me! How will you find your way around, shop, make calls? Shut up and wipe my screen bitch!"

" Really? How about I start surfing porn sites....with your virus protection...OFF!"

"You wouldn't...."

*begins typing*

"ALRIGHT! YOU win human...THIS TIME!"

"Uh, I could just pull out your battery, wait 3 months and buy the next version of you TOO."

*phone sulks away defeated*

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