If you use your religion as an excuse for being an ass...you're fooling no one, you're just an ass.

I'm not voting for ANY politician who isn't PERFECT or does EVERYTHING I want, because I'm an idiot that doesn't know how the world works.

"Please DON'T do drugs!" I tell my friends, "NOT because it will ruin your lives, I'm just tired of driving your asses to the meetings."

People DON'T look as "sexy" during "sex" as they think they do. That's why I wear sunglasses and a Santa mask.

I'm GREAT in the sack...better when I'm there with someone else....even better when that someone is your mom.

If you're a black lady named Polly, dating a white guy, you must think ALL talking birds are racist bastards.

Teaching yourself to expect NOTHING from people....is the gift that keeps on giving...

I'm NOT big on "Following"....but YOU can. The cliff is that way, I'll be over here drinking my green tea and thinking critically. Enjoy!

I've had chocolate, vanilla and black and white milkshakes. They're ALL delicious. #togetherness (Chocolate had longer thicker straws)

I can't wait until this election is over so I can go back to just hating people locally.