Moonlit strolls are romantic because nothing turns a woman on more that watching you fight off a mugger.

Louis Farrakhan, Fran Drescher, a wedding... now THAT'S a reality show!

People were suspicious about my wardrobe malfunction when they saw "Look at me!" and plugs for my website written on my buttocks.

Hackers broke into my bank account and left money. I would normally be insulted, but I love my new TV.

Don't ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you're sure that she is. Also, don't do it on your cell phone from the bus station.

Please, someone, find a way to make reality shows illegal.


Tablet computer companies are having more vicious battles than 90's rappers.
Can we all just get along?
...and be more realistically priced?