Edible panties are as useful as a safe door made of chocolate. Cute, but get that out of the way so I can get to the good stuff behind....

ALL lipsticks should be flavored.

The Riddler from Batman is just a Koan thief. Yeah. I said it. He didn't come up with that shit. If those monks weren't meditating....

Karma is actually quite nice. I think you all owe her an apology for the name calling...

Watch your back ladies. Don't worry about your ass....I'll watch that for you. Oh yeah....

Why do you have to call THAT pencil "colored"? RACIST!!

How many calories are there in the butt cheeks of a hot woman? I plan on getting morbidly obese.

Guns. Religion. Politics. Gay Rights. Okay.....everybody.....FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know that moment when your woman holds your "you know what" in her hands...awesome! Thanks for cheating on her and making her available!

When you're about to hit on someone and they act like an asshole BEFORE you do, that's the universe's AUTO CORRECT.