Breaking News!!!! Facebook buys f*cking!!! Starting in 2014 ALL f*cking MUST be done via Facebook. I'll bet you start using it MORE now.

Skipping rocks over the cat pee in this alley isn't as fun as doing it across a lake. That homeless guy is a LIAR!

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"Nope, NOT doing it! NO WAY!!!"

JUMP CUT TO:

Actor doing activity that he just refused

"This is the LAST time!" - Every sitcom

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Helped my mom make her FIRST online purchase today. I had to, wouldn't want her to "accidentally" order porn like I lie and say that I did.

I use Crest Whitestrips to write inappropriate stuff on myself, it's a pre-sex conversation starter. Ladies?