Like musicians that don't want extremists using their music, procrastination just called congress & said "Stop using me without permission!"

We don't care what it looks like or if we see it...we just want in. - ALL men to women in "sexy" photos that put their hand over only "it"

Just to let you know, when I'm in the top 2% in wealth, I'm joining the Illuminati, stopping my charity donations and banging 18yr olds.

Can we just make these congressional motherf*ckers take a truth serum before they come on TV?

Do you have a squeegee? I've got tons of spit on my TV. Don't look at me like that! I didn't tell them to keep putting congress members on.

Dear AT&T, how can one be an "unlimited network hog?" Please look up "Unlimited". Thanks - a relative of one of your soon to be ex customers

Go ahead and steal THIS identity. I don't want it anymore anyway.

S. Anthony says...

As I sat at a long stop light, I overheard two young ladies talking. Both were gorgeous young mothers. I couldn’t help but hear them bragging to each other about how they beat their kids. Apparently to them, this was funny. Suddenly, to me… they stopped being so gorgeous. I don’t beat children. I didn’t say that I don’t discipline children. I said that I don’t beat them. There is a difference. There is a line that is crossed. You know what it is.

A child should respect you, not be afraid to the point that they “wet their pants when I call them” as the mothers so happily described their power over their kids. That’s something a movie villain says, and it sure isn’t something mothers should say…while laughing. I know, I know, I don’t have kids so I should shut up. Nah, I won’t. I may not be a parent, but I am a human being.

As the light changed and they went on their way, silently I wished that I could say something to them. I would ask “What would you feel like if a 25ft 1500 pound person beat you? What if that person was your only source of food and shelter? What if your brain was still forming and your world view and sense of self was being based on the treatment of this large being…who claimed to love you?”

If that scenario came to be, the treatment described would be classified as kidnapping and torture. Is that who you are? Is it still funny now? Alas, that conversation never happened. I hope that those kids are stronger than their mothers. The two people across that lane of traffic were pretty weak.

Sellouts & Nut jobs & Wimps, oh my!

(If Dorthy landed in congress instead of Oz)

I will not change who I am for you, I will however change my locks and security codes after I toss your ass out. (Metaphorically speaking)

Breaking News! Trump tells GOP to secretly remove all stop signs, then blame car crashes on Obama. Film at 6 & 11.

I have never hated politicians and wannabe politicians more than I do right now.

I've been driving around lost for hours. I keep going in the wrong direction. I knew I shouldn't have put John Boehner's voice in my GPS!

In a display of alliterative and mental one-upmanship, keyboard cat is usurped by Doctorate of Dental medicine Dog.

This could get ugly...

****

KNOWING beyond a doubt that you're INCREDIBLE in the sack is great.

Yeah....

Oh, sorry....to answer your question, it's 12:11 now.

****

Dear people who discriminate against gays...that dust in your face is from time and history zooming past you. Stop being a-holes.

I'm THINKING about running for President, ironically THINKING disqualifies me.

In a shocking display of alliterative and mental one-upmanship, keyboard cat is usurped by Doctorate of Dental medicine Dog.

When you request a game to me on Facebook, I hear "Please crescent kick me to the throat!"

Dear Maury, stop dyeing your hair...we know that you're 72.

****

So much for this "You can't pump your own gas in NJ" nonsense. It doesn't seem to apply to me....I mean people who ARE NOT ME, if they drive up bottomless.

Yeah, I make my own rules....I mean people that AREN'T me.

When I'm about to get it on, I take off my pants and say "Is THAT your card?" If they don't smile at THAT joke...no orgasm for them.

(Smart + Cute) x Available = (Me + You + Endless Powerbanging) - Time for much else

For the first year or so, THEN we'll still get in on constantly but we'll mix in other activities

*Ladies only

"Michelle Bachmann is hot and sexy and I'd make love to her all night long!"

- NOT her husband Marcus Bachmann ever

The moment you find out that you have many fewer friends than you thought... and were okay with it.

Can we all agree to only use the suffixes "xxx-gate" & "xxx-mageddon" for SERIOUS things from NOW on instead of traffic jams & junk pics on the web?

Dear my new dentist, look at your assistant's delicious boobs AFTER you take the sharp instruments out of my face. Thanks.

"ME good! Them BAD!" - Practicing for most political debates

"What bitch!?!" - standard opening line of 86.5% of the second guest on Springer. *I made that number up*

Xenophobia. Um, that really doesn't help anybody... unless you count the people using it to control you. For them, it works just fine.

I just found out that you people are real and NOT just in my head. I'm uh...a little embarrassed about the last two years now. Yup.

Had to go to the liquor store for a relative....what a collection of lost mofos. Forget AA, you just need 5 minutes there. Damn!

Dear politicians, have someone check the "Nutcase level" of any preacher you become involved with. Just saying...

S. Anthony says...(I have a drea...that's taken...we're better)

I don't even bother to read the comments after news stories anymore. Political operatives are too active in their effort to push talking points (mostly fact free) down the throats of others. I am a critical thinker. If you have FACTS, I'm all ears. But generally they just seem to be a forum that allows adults to na na na na each other like 4 year old children throwing a tantrum at a toy store.

Listen to the points that you make. Be adult enough to check facts objectively, and open minded enough to accept being wrong when you are. That is what I would say to the people that post the most incendiary, racist, xenophobic posts. If what you are saying sounds ridiculous to a normal intelligent adult...there is a reason for that.

I would love to live in a country that allowed people from different ideologies to make their point, and also be open to ideas from others. I don't. We follow too much. We believe too much of what we're told by people that do not have our best interests at heart. We allow the liars and sellouts to create divisions when in the grand scheme of things...none really exist.

Political and religious debate here is embarrassing. We can do so much better. We just have to fucking want to, and have the balls/ovaries to do so. Ah...a critical thinker can dream... can't he?

Last morning person dies horrible death...Film (in HD and available for FREE download) at 6 and 11!

Feds rule that clean water and food have no impact on life expectancy. (Give them time, they are just that ridiculous)

Supermarket teller. 19 or 20 years old. Cute. Largest boobs I've seen in years. No bra. You'd be proud of me, I didn't stare ONCE. (I hope no one caught on to what I did there. Maybe I shouldn't have capitalized the word "once"...nah, they still won't catch on. Tee Hee.)

Special message to women with sagging boobs. I don't care, I still want to play with them. You're welcome. - S.Anthony

I'm thinking about posting something positive about the President because it's been a while since strangers insulted my intelligence and called me the "N" word....yeah, good times.

Okay people, stop giving YOUR OWN nicknames to stars as if you know them. You DON'T. Stop being silly, alright? Well...gotta go listen to that new album by my favorite artist P to the R to the I to the N to the C to the E!

It's weird when sports guys call someone "Future Hall of Famer" BEFORE they retire. Michael Jackson called himself "King of Pop". Damn it...I'm giving myself a nickname....ah...I've got it...."The Buddha of Bwahahaha's!"

Dear politicians, EVERYONE hates you.

NO! Yahoo mail, YOU'RE currently invisible! *runs away crying*

Who's the guy who does the "Fat Guy" voice in those 70's martial arts flicks? Fat guys DON'T sound like that. Ask your mom. Wait, what?

If you have to pull down on your skirt every 3 seconds, it's too short. Also, I love you.

"Get the f*ck outta here with that stupid sh*t!" - What my first and last day as lead negotiator in the debt talks would sound like

You know that little bit of armpit fat a woman has when she's sleeveless? That's kinda hot. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!! ;-)

No, you don't understand...where I'm from, we sit stoically when we LOVE something and clap when we hate it. He's not buying it is he?

Is being polite and friendly so weird? I'm ALWAYS that way to people...and they seem stunned by it. I AM SO! Don't make me cut YOU!!

Hey YOU! I disagree with you about religion/politics. You're nothing but a (Insert most insulting epithet) & (Insert insult to intelligence)

Hey YOU! I disagree with you about religion/politics. You're nothing but a (Insert most insulting epithet) & (Insert insult to intelligence)

A murder trial is NOT a reality show....there's NO acting in a reality show.

I got an Alaskan wax. That's when they rip off YOUR genital hair and replace it with a shedding Polar Bear's hair

Politics...one side f*cks the people. The other side...f*cks themselves. F*ck BOTH of them.

Breaking News!!!! Facebook buys f*cking!!! Starting in 2014 ALL f*cking MUST be done via Facebook. I'll bet you start using it MORE now.

Skipping rocks over the cat pee in this alley isn't as fun as doing it across a lake. That homeless guy is a LIAR!

***

"Nope, NOT doing it! NO WAY!!!"

JUMP CUT TO:

Actor doing activity that he just refused

"This is the LAST time!" - Every sitcom

***

Helped my mom make her FIRST online purchase today. I had to, wouldn't want her to "accidentally" order porn like I lie and say that I did.

I use Crest Whitestrips to write inappropriate stuff on myself, it's a pre-sex conversation starter. Ladies?

Cursing at me and calling me the "N" word doesn't bother me, sorry racists. Women, feel free to do so if I'm in you...I kind of dig it THEN.

New extreme sport....Ride Mitt Romney (while he's flip flopping his opinion) for 8 seconds without being thrown off, win a case of beer.

Being good is good, being bad is bad, water is wet, fire is hot. (When I have nothing profound to say I state the obvious & hope I fool you)

Who is this "Casey Anthony"? Why have I not been bombarded with coverage of this?

Hours behind the grill...6. Red meat eaten....NONE. I did have a little potato salad but it's okay...it was killed humanely.

Interviewing "People on the street" about the Casey Anthony verdict is as interesting as asking them what they'd do with powerball winnings.

I officially now have a "Thing" for female meteorologists...ALL of them.

No child is "Illegitimate"...it's time to stop using that stupid f*cking saying. Also, ladies... anyone out there want to get knocked up?

Hours behind the grill...6. Red meat eaten....NONE. I did have a little potato salad but it's okay...it was killed humanely.

It's hard to get chapstick off of your balls...she knew that! Territory marking witch! - A cheating 20something

Very attractive actors and actresses...stop TRYING to be funny. You aren't...you never learned how. Thanks.

Happy July 3rd, the day we thought..."it's cool, those motherf*ckers can talk all they want, tomorrow is Independence DAY, THEN, it's on!

If you're too easily offended by obvious jokes here...it's because your mother is a 75 cent hooker.

"Stardom" should be the side effect of excellence...NOT a goal.

It's really NOT a good thing when xenophobes and NON-critical thinkers are the MOST influential minority.

Let's start caning people for being identity thieves. Also, fast food workers who assume that everyone want peanuts on their ice cream.

Dear rich and powerful people. I will be joining your ranks in the next 5-10 years. Could you stop being d-bags before I get there? Thanks.

Hey, yeah 2012, you...me...a romantic dinner...what do you say? No, I was never serious with 2011! 2010 is a damned liar!

DON'T lead someone on if you DON'T want them, it's cruel & I'm the type of friend that they'll to vent to @ 12am. Don't make me hurt you!

I'm nice to the meter reader & don't get a ticket, the next guy yells & gets a ticket. The lesson? It's fun watching an a-hole get a ticket.

An hour at the post office...one teller...50 people in line ALL doing "complicated" transactions. Please create a line for NON-idiots!

I read very early. When I was a child I was offered a FULL SCHOLARSHIP to a school for the gifted. NOW, I'm HERE. Starting FAST sucks.