Don't trust a dentist that unbuckles his pants as he puts the gas mask on you. Also, no one gets dental work lying on their stomach.

Dear future employers, if you're reading this, CONGRATS, I'M BONING YOUR WIFE! You are one lucky guy! She's awesome. She's also leaving you.

If you reach for your dream and fall short, we will laugh, say I told you so and rub it in until you hate us.

- Family

*crickets*

- Crickets