A soft kiss and a warm hug goes a long way... toward sending you to jail.
Make sure it's your lady and not someone in the same coat.

Look, if I feel my own ass in public, that's MY business lady!
Jealous?

I'm too big to ride the dog. Also, I don't have a dog, my neighbor does. He also has a temper.

I have lost so much weight since the food poisoning. I think I have a NEW weight loss infomercial idea...

I impress hot women MOST when I don't try to. My cuteness, awesome skills in the sack & potential for riches are things they find out LATER.

Waking up in bed next to a stranger is much better than waking up this dumpster with my topless grandpa. That man will throw a rave ANYWHERE!

Hey, guy selling illegal movie DVD's, do you have any music cassettes or news anchors with integrity or pinto keys in that bag?