Dear friend of the cute lady that was flirting with me, calm down. She'll still be your friend if I start sleeping with her. She'll just be one trillion times happier and have lots of stories to rub in your face. Okay? Now go away.

I'm going to open a PR firm that writes apologies that sound like real people wrote them... like this..."Sorry about that shit..."

I’m not sure, but I think Jason Statham is going to beat up some people in his next movie.

 "Dear hot women in proactiv commercials, I didn't know or care about your acne. I just want to have regular sex with you." - ALL dudes