F*ck you HULU, I watched the Bachelorette by accident for 5 seconds! Stop suggesting Real Housewives to me dammit!

If you're the relative of a person that ISN'T a slave to the prison of being "normal" enjoy it. Don't be an a-hole, YOU may learn something.

My gorgeous eye doctor said that I am "A delicious man"...okay, to you it sounded like "Mr Thomas, your eyes are in great health, see you next year!"...but when was the last time that you had your ears checked? Huh? DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME!!!

I got into my time machine and gave Schrödinger's cat potassium iodide in her water dish. Yeah, take THAT! I hate paradoxes!